Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
