I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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