I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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