I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
