before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
