best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
