as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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