Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
