yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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