she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
