I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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