YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
