my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
