he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
