Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
