In the future we'll all be gay
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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