I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
