Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
