you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
