i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
