I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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