Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
