he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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