I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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