You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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