U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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