Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
