Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
