Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
