I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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