I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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