How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
