She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
