She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
