Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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