I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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