You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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