is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found your dick twin last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
