Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
