dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
