I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
