don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
