I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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