Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
