Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Welp...herpes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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