Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
