I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
