I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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