I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
