My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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