You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i love accidental penises.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
