I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
