but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
