then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
