he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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