"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All the doctor said was why
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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