Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
