my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
