I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
