Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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