You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
