I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
