I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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