just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
