so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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