Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
