Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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