Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
