And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
