so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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