put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He better not be in your backpack
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
