I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
